u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He better not be in your backpack
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
