I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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