We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
