I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
