And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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