hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
