Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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