so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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