Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
