Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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