watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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