his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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