i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
