I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
