remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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