There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
