God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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