Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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