she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
