I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My cat gives me a boner
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
