Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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