he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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