I think I died a long time ago.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
