WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
They have beer where we have blood.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize