I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
only you would photoshop your dick
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
