I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize