im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
