I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I didn't notice because vodka
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
