I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
