Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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