eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
