The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
