Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
