Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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