It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
