thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
