this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
