a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
