Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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