Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw a hot homeless man
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
as a side note pls kill me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
