While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
