Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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