It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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