Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
