It's like a parade of train wrecks.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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