I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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