it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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