I can't watch pbs sober anymore
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
