the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
