Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My ass is underappreciated
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize