where am i from again
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
