Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just cropdusted the office
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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