if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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