i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
