Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
