i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
