Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We have started to decorate penises.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
