I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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