I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
