the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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