I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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