I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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