His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
