Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
