You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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