i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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